.adding colors to my life

#1

#2

#3

Believe it or not, I took these shots while I felt really emotional – it was our last night together for a God-knows-how-long time. But that's not the purpose of this entry – I just wanted to share something colorful with you guys. :)

.anti suppression

the memorable night.

I don't believe in suppressing my feelings, and I don't think I ever will. Chances are, if I were to bottle everything up I'd just end up exploding and hurt everyone.

So whoever (especially those who are very close to me) is reading this entry, I just want you to know that this blog acts as an outlet for me to vent my frustrations, sadness, or things that I shouldn't keep to myself. I'd rather unleash all my emotions in text rather than hurt you, and I am sure you'd make the same decision as me if you were in my position. Don't say I didn't warn you – feel free to close this window if you don't wish to read whatever I'm about to share.

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SF and I went star sighting the other night.. We thought we'd go about 100km out of Melbourne since the city is too bright. The fact that we saw the beautiful milky way the other night on our way to Sydney made us want to see it again. Heathcote was our destination but SF reckon it wasn't dark enough, and that we should have driven further up north if we had extra time.. But it was good.

I know things will change in the next couple of years... And [sad to say] I don't adapt to changes as easily as most people could.. Seeing the above image hurts because I don't know when we'll get to go star sighting again. It's not that I don't trust this relationship, it's just that I don't trust whatever that is coming up to us in the next couple of years.

Firstly, I don't like being unable to know how long we're going to be apart – he can't promise, and I don't want him to promise as well, knowing that there is a possibility that other external factors may change our lives. So I guess there is nothing I can do about this and I don't know how to deal with it.. I need help.

Next, I hate having to suppress my emotions and thoughts but this is something I have to do right now, for the well-being of everyone. I guess I'll just need to work harder on this and try to occupy myself with as many things as possible.

Last but not least, how often can we talk? We are both going to lead separate lives for a while and it is unreasonable for either parties to demand to go online 24/7. Will we eventually get tired of chatting on the webcam? What else can we do about this other than making an effort to visit as much as possible and interact online/on the phone?

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And umm, I don't know if I actually feel better yet, after typing these out, but I hope I do after an 8-hour sleep.

P/S – I hope my dad recovers by the time he wakes up.. :( Being sick is definitely the worst feeling ever.

And as for commenting, I've decided not to allow because all I want is for a few people to listen [read] and understand what I am going through..

.manfrotto is the man!

sooner or later.

"If I am going to be doing a lot of landscape (particularly HDR) shots, I'll need a good tripod sooner or later." This is what I've been telling myself for the past year.

A couple of weeks ago, I'd finally purchased a better tripod – The Manfrotto 190XB with the 128RC head. Great for all kinds of shots, including videos. :) I think this will last me for many years to come.

It's definitely a whole lot better than my old $30 tripod, the one that ruined all my New Years eve fireworks photographs and can't even support my 350D + 24-105mm. We actually tested it out in Heathcote, 100km+ away from Melbourne the other night and it was great!

I got it off JB Hi-fi on Elizabeth Street for $370 (original price was about $400), and got a further 30-plus-dollars back from the Tourist Refund Scheme at the airport.Not too bad I reckon, and the guy at the security check-point in the airport showed quite a bit of interest in my tripod.

Security guy: Wow is that a tripod??? That looks pretty good! What kind of photography do you do? Wedding?
Me: Yeah it's a good one.. Hmm I do all sorts of stuff I guess, landscape, wedding, whatever comes by.
Security guy: So this is Manfrotto hey.. Hmm I think I'm going to get one of these too. *wink*
SF & I: LOL

And the first thing my parents said to me was not "You're back!".. Instead, they were looking at the tripod, looking amused, and asked, "What's that?? What did you buy again??" And I told them the whole story of having-to-bring-this-back-for-tax-refund-purposes. I hope they'll be alright with me wanting to take this on our family holiday to Bali later next month, since they'd always complain that I over pack on vacations. :P

.the overnightmar-ish drive

Dawn.

We planned a trip up to Sydney and decided we would drive overnight just so we don't waste any time.. Took off at around 11.30pm, topped up the fuel tank and made our way towards CityLink that would lead up to Hume Freeway.

And we drove on and on... It felt like forever.. I'm never a huge fan of overnight drives since I can never fall asleep anywhere but my bed, or a very comfortable couch.. Before we know it, streaks of lights were starting to appear from the right side (east). I was sooooo drowsy that I could only drive for an hour after switching seats with SF.

...

We ended up going through 2 tolls before arriving at Sydney CBD. Poor SF was so angry at the bad traffic in the CBD – we got lost for a bit before arriving at the Sydney Fish Market, our first destination of the trip.

On our way back to the hotel (located between the CBD and Darling Harbor), we missed a turn and ended up on the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Sure, it's pretty amazing driving up there but I was not impressed with having to pay the unexpected toll.. So I'm not sure if I like the bridge that much anymore.. :\

And SF was soooooo angry when we'd finally arrived at the carpark of our apartment hotel. We've learned a very valuable lesson from the nightmar-ish experience – Never, ever drive in Sydney CBD, especially if you are not familiar with the city!!! The train network's pretty confusing but I reckon it's still a whole lot easier than driving.

So there – 24 hours drive in total, 3 cans of red bull, 2 large chips from Maccas, 4 bathroom stops, 2 person, 2 days, 1 night.

.team work

Together for life.

I hope we'll eventually get there.. And I hope we'll do everything we can to prove to people who don't believe in us.
Wish us luck everyone! :)

.calendar

I was checking the weather forecast for the next week a few minutes ago when all of a sudden, I felt despair.

We're less than 2 fortnight away from living apart (for a while).

Well this isn't the first time I've felt the strong urge to break down while looking at dates.. But at least I have (kind of) found a way to control my emotions.. And I hope it works long term.

Or.. Maybe it's just PMS.

I am still taking comfort in the fact that a handful of couples I know are currently in a long distance relationship, and they seem to be handling it pretty well, emotional-wise.

At least we know SF's going to leave 90% of his stuff here with me (yes, including daily necessities such as clothing), and that he's always saying stuff like "Can't wait to come back to Melbourne, I hate working there [Singapore].

We have no idea when he's able to return - I've given up asking since no one's sure what will happen in the next couple of years.. Things DO change when you least expect it to.

But for now, let's pray that he'll get a banking/finance-related job within the next couple of months.

.he said.. #1

Country Victoria.

As we drove along the M31 National Freeway the day before, SF said, "We'll take a break from road trips.. And continue next time [when I come back]."

For some reasons, that actually made me feel good... Because this shows how much he looks forward to coming back.

.hoping for more

A part of me.

Autumn, or more commonly known as "Fall" in the northern hemisphere, is my favorite season of the year.

But sad to say, I have a bittersweet relationship with Autumn almost every year. It is usually the time when I fall sick for a whole month. What a waste, considering that this is the season for the nicest photographs.

So here's hoping that I won't fall sick this coming Fall and that I will be able to spend more time with the camera this year. ...

P/S Just so you guys know, I have officially moved to my new place and I do not have internet connection at home at the moment – Telstra is best when it comes to procrastinating stuff. ..

.new year resolutions are so cliché

pre-2010 fireworks at Docklands.

Cliché. So cliché. Almost everyone I know are making a list of new year resolutions... But it's great, and I enjoyed reading them! Thanks for sharing guys - that kinda make me wanna make my own too.... And here goes

_pdra's 2010 resolutions/wishes

#1: Once again, SF and I are definitely going on a long distance relationship..Again. I don't know if this is the last time we are going to be apart or not.. But to ensure that we move onto a new chapter of the relationship, a bridge that will lead us to yet another step which is being together for the rest of our lives, this is the only way. I hope that SF will get himself a much better job in Singapore in the next two months and come back to Melbourne as soon as possible. By then, we should have a permanent place to live in. I hope we'll be able to step into the new chapter soon rather than going around in circles, which is not healthy for the relationship.

#2: Graduate school life: I.Need.HD's. SF said this to me the other day: "You try to work hard [in uni] and I'll try to find a good job in Singapore." So I'm going to put in extra effort in all my assignments and graduate with Distinction.

#3: Be a better cook. I need to refine my curry puff recipe, as well as my almost-famous-amos-like cookies recipe. And I would like more than instant food for bento.

#4: Improving my photography skills - There is always room for improvement!

#5: Generally, to become much more optimistic about everything. Sure, being emo is cool but it is damaging to #1 and #2.


Hmm.. That will do. And guess what? This resolution took me like, 3 hours? :|

Question: What's your 2010 resolution? :)