.the new sleep pattern

I am still pretty awake, despite waking up at 7.25am this morning.

Well, I guess this is a "change-for-the-better", since I used to sleep in till at least 10.30am...!

Ever since SF started this new job, he has to wake up early so he could catch the train and get to work on time.. This has somehow affected my sleep pattern too.

First week was pretty bad, I was groggy and sleepy and unhappy for the whole week.

Second week got better, although I was still a little unimpressed with having to wake up so early.

Third week was neutral, no complaints there.

And this is the fourth week of sleeping and waking up early. Somehow, this feels pretty normal.. And I have also picked up a new habit of eating breakfast.

I find that I could do so much more by waking up early.. Oh and not to mention, time seem to slow down a little too, which is just what I need considering the BIG amount of work I have to do (sigh).

Oh well, it's back to work now... Although I wish I could be given a little more appreciation for the effort I am putting in.

.I need more 3G data

Well maybe there's already something like that in Australia, but I was wondering, like, wouldn't it be better if we could "customize" our mobile phone plans?

For example, a person like me prefer conversing over iMessage and What's App rather than calling (I'm not good with this whole verbal communication thing, really) would benefit from extra 3G data's. I would prefer to have 70% data and 30% call/SMS.

Alternatively, for people like my parents who call people all the time rather than text, they would want more call time than data plan, so maybe they could go for 90% call/SMS and 10% data.. or even 100% call/SMS and pay for data per MB.

Yea??? You agree with me???

And so I hope that Telco companies could start altering their phone plans a little bit – just because something worked 5 years ago doesn't mean it will work in another 5 years time... right?

Yep, that would be all for tonight. Peace.

.life experience

A lot has happened in the short spam of a month, and they are both good and bad. Well mostly bad, but it's still a good lesson.
I'm not going to elaborate here as the whole story is a little too personal... I was feeling crummy about it for a week and I guess I'm alright now, slowly picking up where I left off.

--

So, here are the random updates.

A lot of people are getting hitched this year, it seems. On my side, there are three couples tying the knot! >_< I'm so going to take this opportunity to build up my wedding photography portfolio. :) :) :)

And and and we are doing our pre-wedding portraits early next year!!! I've been dying for this to happen and we're finally getting it done. I'm in the middle of all that booking/researching/theme planning so it's all very exciting to me! ^_^

In the mean time, I guess I'll have to try and get more (pre-wedding) clients so I can fund my own pre-wedding photo shoot. :)

--

Before I end this post, here's a photo collage of my first attempt with omurice. :)

.about lying

I mean, white lies are okay as long as it doesn't cause serious harm to anyone.

But is it really? How much is too much?

I'm really confused, because I don't know if it's right to lie to someone just to make them happy for a while, especially if they are people who are very important to you in life.

Since young, I've always been taught that honesty is the best policy.. But now, I'm not too sure about it.

-------

Maybe for now, I should just go along with the white lie and make everyone happy, and deal with the problems later.

sorry for the impromptu hiatus - thought I should do a little bit of update.

so.. let's start with the big thing.

the big thing is.. I moved to a new place.. not just another new place, but a SHARE house! I never thought I'd be able to share a place with someone but I thought I'd try anyway, since this is the very last chance for me to do so. it's all good considering that my housemate and I each get our own bedrooms and bathrooms, so loads of private space, really. :)

in other news, I'm still in an LDR.. and I'm getting really scared. it's been well over 1.5 year now and we still don't know how long we've got with this LDR thing.. :(

also... I'm in the midst of planning a little something for my future right now... Some of you may already know what it is but I think I should probably reveal it here later when everything is confirmed.. so.. good luck to me!

...anything else I missed out?

.not myself bc of the weather

It has been raining since Tuesday afternoon and I'm totally unimpressed. Sure, it's good for sleep-in's and all but I'm sure most of us can't afford to sleep-in and be late for lectures/tutorials and work.

I love it when it rains Friday or Saturday night and that's about it – I don't like raining marathons, and I hate it most when it happens on Monday morning.

C'mon sunlight, don't be shy, come back to us, we miss you! >.<

Well, today's weather is significantly better I guess, albeit the on and off sunlight.. At least there was some sunlight!

.this time next year...

the suburban backyard.

i've never felt so uncertain about life before... this is like, the first time where i have no idea what will happen this time next year.

so.. this time next year, will I

– still be in Melbourne?

– have a job?

– be able to quit this LDR thing and see SF everyday?

– be granted Permanent Residency in Australia? – I have been waiting for well over 2 years now.

yep, those are my primary concerns.. how much of these would I have fulfilled by May 2012? can I fulfill them all? or at least 1/2 of them?

i just want to get rid of all the uncertainties so i can move on and start planning for my future... :(

.possessed?

:(

I think I'm possessed....... By the procrastination monster..

And I guess this is common among students.. But I really can't afford to put off my work till tomorrow, day after tomorrow, ...

I'm already weeks behind schedule.. And I have to meet up with my supervisor tomorrow – totally stressed out about this because I am not sure if I have done enough over the Easter break.

Argh.. What am I gonna do... I used to be able to concentrate a lot better... Is it the caffeine? Maybe it's the caffeine. Or maybe it's my desk/chair – not ergonomic enough. Can't really switch to better ones since I have limited budget this year.

Perhaps I should spend this whole weekend at uni. Yup, I'll do that.

.just sayin'

a toy choo-choo

It would be nice if I could have a son one day - I'd love to buy up all the tracks in the toy store and build a mini-giant train track in the whole house for my boy.

LOL, okay, maybe this is just an excuse – I AM the one who wants the mini-giant train track. Not the future husband and son.

.don't date guys who took business major?

(will place an appropriate photo up later on)

two of my girl friends came over to my place a couple of weeks back and we had a good time catching up and talking about non-final-project related things. one of the interesting topics of the day was "what kind of a guy are you looking for?"

now, this was my question, to the both of them, who are currently single.

one said she don't mind a designer, a non-multimedia-design one.. perhaps an architect or industrial designer.

the other don't mind engineers, or designers.

"and what about business?" i said.

"NO!!!!!" they replied together.

"why not???" i asked (amused at this point, because SF is a banking/finance guy).

"they're cheapskate." "they are tight with money." were their replies.

haha! well sure, i agree with them, but as long as they know their limits, it's cool. SF would only try to stop me if i were making big purchases, like a new camera. but from my experience, i reckon business-guys are better with money management, and they have the tendency to plan for the future earlier than their peers from other majors. the "tight with money" bit does get on my nerves sometime, but 90% of the time i reckon it's great.

i suck with money management, so i think it would be great to have someone whom i can trust to help me with my finances (with the exception of telling me NOT to buy anything).

so yeah, girls, if you're still in uni and single, go to the business school section and find someone.. that is, if you want a comfortable retirement life!

LOLOLOL.

.yes no yes no yes no

Lens. Time for a new lens, I reckon? The last one I bought was an Canon EF 24-105mm f/4L IS USM and that was 3 years ago.

I've been going back and forth between an ultrawide and prime – the EF 16-35mm f/2.8L USM or the EF 50mm f/1.2L II. Both cost well over a thousand dollars... Australian dollars (we all know how the Aussie dollar has been shooting upward like there's no tomorrow).

TT_______TT

So.. What's my conclusion?

None.

Not getting either lenses for a while..... Because...

I'm saving up for a dream wedding photographer (research done) – I reckon it's the most important element in a wedding ceremony because it's going to stay with you for a life time. I probably won't want to get angry every time I open up my wedding photograph album simply because of crap photography. This will be good money well-spent!

And um nope, I'm not getting married yet – I just want to save up in case it's happening in the next few years.

Seriously, there is no signs of wedding bells on my side just yet! Top priority for us right now is to earn as much money as we can while we're still in our 20's. :)

.because it's time to update?

yeah.. because it has been a while since i did some proper, positive update about myself. what happened to the days when i'd blog almost everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day!?

maybe i'm getting old... or i'm just plain lazy. i choose the latter.

hmm.. let's see... what do you want to know? i guess you'll probably want to know that i'm almost halfway through my final semester of graduate school. yes, iamfinishingupmymaster'sdegreeandi'mfreakingout!!!!! this semester, i'm only enrolled in 1 unit and it's all about writing your own project brief and being self-disciplined enough to finish them by end of June. yep, it's actually quite fun to be able to finally do something you wanna do, rather than having to do something according to assignment briefs written by lecturers/tutors.

and what am i doing this semester? umm i'm kinda lazy to explain, so here are the key words: children's storybook, digital story telling, Japanese culture, One-Inch Samurai (一寸法師).

other than that, i do go out for a walk sometime, invite friends over, running errands, house chores, and umm.. well.. okay, that's about it – the rest of the time is spent working on the project.

what else is new? i got a new macbook pro after 3.6 years and am hoping that this one will last a little longer than the last one, and managed to poison SF with photography. YES, he is hooked to HDR right now and got me to pick up a 2nd hand Canon 40D for him recently. too bad he can't have the camera yet, unless he decides to visit me soon.

and what else is still the same? SF and i are still LDR-ing. yep, just like last year, except that i'm used to living alone now.. sure, i still do get depressed at times but i'm able to deal with loneliness better than 12 months ago. my dad suggested that we don't remain on LDR for too long..so.. well, let's hope that everything will go back to normal soon. (:

yep, and that's all. back to work!

.because crying scares people away

Maybe it's just today, or maybe it has been a while.

But I feel so isolated from the people who are thousands of miles away from me right now..

Sudden, I feel like this selfish person who don't want to help them, despite our close relationships..

And suddenly, I feel like I'm some sort of stranger to them, that they'd rather get help from people who are not close to them than me.

I don't know why so many people could actually choose not to believe me, especially when I'm close with them...

Or maybe this is just a one-sided feeling, that they don't feel like they're close to me while I feel comfortable with them.

It really hurts.. Even if it's just over some small favor...

And now I'm very confused, is it my fault, or is it their fault?

Why am I made to feel like the bad person now?

And worse, why am I the last person you'd wanna approach for help, when I'm supposedly the closest person to you? It really hurts... I never knew it would hurt this much.. really..

And because crying scares people away, I have to go through the pain of preventing my tears from falling in front of people... Is it really wrong to be someone who has got a little too much emotions on hand?

Can someone tell me? Is it wrong to be an overly sensitive person?

.the cat is finally out of the bag

finally.

there is no need to stress over bumping into family friends/relatives when we hang out – because we ARE going out.

but damn... why do I feel more nervous than ever? is it because I've never brought "boyfriends" home to meet my parents before? or is it because we've only officially announced it to my family/relatives after going out for 7.5 years?

or maybe I'm just stressed out about bumping into mom tomorrow morning and have her bombard me with questions.

sigh, I don't know, I don't know. but one thing I'm sure of is that we've done the right thing. my dad's really happy, my mom is (most likely) relieved and we don't have anything to hide anymore. life's going to be so much easier, right? we can hang out anytime, right?

ahhhh... mom, please don't ask me anything in the morning.. everything is fine, if not, SF and I wouldn't have done the official announcement.

.さよなら

2010..is over??? I'm not dreaming, am I?

I should probably do a little summary of 2010 too.

...

2010...wasn't a good year for me. I was forced by a number of reasons to go into a long distance relationship. I had to fend for myself most of the time.. but this isn't all bad, because I have sort of learned how to be independent... And I never realize how strong I can be until strong is the only choice I have.

Loads of people around me got engaged or married recently, which makes me feel really crummy despite the fact that 1. I know it's not going to happen anytime soon for me and 2. that I should be happy for them. It's not that I don't want to be happy for them, it's just that I can't.

If it wasn't for the change in immigration policy, SF and I could have been granted permanent residency in Australia by 2010... And now, we'll most likely have to wait till 2012 before we get an answer.. and There is a possibility that the answer is No. I hate how this is ruining my plans for the future.

...

Well, 2010 wasn't all that bad. I attended agIdeas, an international design forum held annually in Melbourne which inspired me a lot. I bought a couple of good design illustration books to inspire myself further...and I've got a whole king size bed to myself. Hehe.

And last but not least, friends. :) you guys know who you are..thanks for stopping by for dinner at my lonely apartment sometime!

okay, that is all.

.the end?

Winter solstice 2010.

2010 came and went...just like that.

I guess I should be happy that it ended, because 2010 wasn't exactly a great year for me.. Well it's good, but it's mostly bad.

Does 2011 mark the fact that things will get better? I hope so.

Will my life change drastically in 2011? I guess so, since I will be starting a scary yet fulfilling new chapter.

And most important, will things go back to how it was before 2010?

No one has the answer for the above question... So I guess I'll just leave it at that.. We'll only find out when the time comes.

I would like to thank those who have been here for me over the past year.. I wouldn't have made it this far (emotionally) if it wasn't for you guys. Cheers, everyone!

and SF, I know you can wait, but I can't. =)

Happy holidays everyone. Have a great 2011!

."a" for "allergy"

...

no photo(s), i was going to edit one just so i could put it up here but i got lazy.

.....

anyway, i'm seriously wondering if i should continue staying here.. especially through the months of October - December, when my spring allergy acts up.

... it's not just runny nose/itchy throat-nose-ears/sneezing anymore...

i've developed this bad "pink" eye due to the allergy – i suspect it's pollens getting into my bi-weekly contact lenses. guess the only way to solve this is to stick to daily contacts, but it's more expensive. :\

so the sad alternative is to try and get used to glasses. people, if you see me in glasses outdoors, DO NOT make any comments, because i feel very, very self-conscious about wearing glasses anywhere other than home.

...

sigh, my eyes are so itchy, i think i should just sleep. i'll try to find a photo for this post..sometime..erm..later.

gah.

.誕生日2010年

the birthday cake.

Another year has gone by....just like that. Let's hope I've at least matured a little bit over the past 365 days.

The past year consisted of loads of ups and downs.. Not everything went well, but now, I kind of have this feeling that we're wrapping up all the uncertainties in life...that everything will stabilize soon enough..

But then again, maybe not – I don't want to jinx this.

The best birthday present this year is that SF is spending the whole month with me! In Melbourne! Yes, he brought his work along with him but he will finish up this weekend and we'll spend the remaining 21 days traveling around Victoria. All I want is for us to spend quality time with each other the whole of this month since we don't know how long this LDR thing is staying.

Part of me feels old.. But part of me have to spend a few seconds recalling how old I am exactly.

Anyway, here are the two other birthday presents I have received:

Fujifilm Instax 7s – from SF!

Free Edge Ticket from Eureka Skydeck 88!

And for those of you who are also birthday-ing this month, Happy birthday and eat more cake!

Once again, I'd like to say thank you to those who sent birthday greetings and wishes through E-mail/Facebook/Text Messages. :)

.the letter "M"

symbol of love.

Over the past few months or so, I've encountered a bunch of relationship status change among my friends on Facebook.

Not one, not two, not three, not four, not five...okay, I've lost count... But LOADS OF PEOPLE on my list seem to have gotten a common bug - a bug that makes people don the engagement ring or get Married.. There, I've just said the "M" word.

Why??? I don't mean it in a bad way of course...

Is it -
A. My friends and I are at the engagement/marriage age,
B. My friends are engaged or marrying way too early,
C. I should be worried that I have not scored an engagement ring (well I am kinda, but not to the extend of stressing out..yet), or
D. Because I'm still in school, unlike most of my friends, who have been in the work industry for a while.

My personal answer is ...... B.

Seriously, some of them are mommies and daddies by now - and they are no more than 3 years older than me.. heck, some of them are actually younger than me.

What has this world come to??? Seriously, I think the perfect age to get married is 27. Okay, so those who ARE ACTUALLY 3 years older than me are doing the "M" thing at the right age.

I've got friends who actually talked about getting married by 18, and having kids by 20 when we were 14 years old... I was probably the only one among them who'd imagined myself to entering university at 18, which happened, and getting my Master's degree at 24 or 25,which is also happening. Heck, who knows, I might decide to go onto PhD at some point of my life.

--

..Sigh..

I still feel a tinge of jealousy whenever I see the engagement/married status in the newsfeed, although my current priorities are school- and career-related. I just can't help feeling a little upset I guess, even though I'm supposed to be happy for these people who are moving on to a new chapter of life. What's wrong with me? I know that We are not ready to go for the "M" chapter but I still feel like I want to be a part of the "M" thing..

Maybe it's normal to feel this way... But still, can someone give me a valid reason or two as to why I'm feeling like that?

--

Despite getting green-eyed about this issue, I still do get offended when people say stuff like "Why aren't you married yet?". I was catching up with a friend recently when he asked if I was having a baby. Here's how the conservation sort of went:

Friend: So when you having babies?
Me: Err, not anytime soon - considering the fact that I'm still in school and not even engaged?? I want to have a stable career first before getting mini-me's.
Friend: !! But but but.. You will want more even if you get to the stage of having stable career.
Me: Yeah true, but isn't it better to be financially-stable to support a family?

And somehow it lead to something about me not wanting to stay home.

Friend: But why!!? You should stay home and look after the kids!
- I got a little annoyed at this stage.
Me: But why? I'm doing postgrads, it would be a waste if I just decide to be a stay home mom, no?
Friend: (sort of ignoring my reasons) but it doesn't matter - you should stay home and look after the kids.
Me: (starting to get more annoyed, but controlled myself) Look, I wouldn't even plan on doing Master's degree if I wanted to be a stay home mom. If I do that in future, it would be like, tens of thousands of tuition fees down the drain.
Friend: It doesn't matter... I would want to stay home though!
Me: (tempted to say, "Then stay home, no one's stopping you." but managed to keep it to myself) There is no way I'm staying home for the kids. I've already come this far and I have lots of ambitions for the future.. There is no way I'm giving up.
Friend: (I could tell that he still wasn't convinced, but decided to stop it here), but.. well.. at least you know what you want.


Like, seriously, DO NOT SAY such stuff to postgrad chicks - chances are, we'll be really, really offended. I hate how there are still males who don't think of females as equal in the work society.

And I still think of the friend as a good mate.. We all don't have to agree with each other 100% of the time to get along! :)

Okay, I diverged. But I think what I've said sort of relates to the letter "M"...... I think.

-end.

.3/4 done (well, nearly)

My 2nd home. Impressive huh!? ;)

End of week 12. Beginning of week 13. Where did all the time go!?!?!?!? It feels like I was just preparing for my first day of graduate school not long ago.

I'm depressed.. I am...

And I figured that part of the reason why I'm upset is because this week is my last week of lecture/tutorials.. By "last", I mean the "last" of my life. Next semester is project based and we all are expected to organize our own time... That means no class, and minimal interaction with my awesome classmates (some of whom are friends that I'm going to stick with for years to come).

I should be rushing on my never-ending amount of assignments right now.. But having no one to talk to over the weekend, I feel that the only way to unleash all these emotions that I've been bottling up inside me is to type it out...

--

After two semesters of ActionScript 3.0, I feel like I want to do something related to Flash developing in years to come.. The only problem is that I am still struggling. I understand what each set of function does but I don't know how to start writing a code. It's like, I know I could use switch for the main navigation bar of a flash website but I don't know how to implement it. I know I could use the UILoader data type for external images/videos/.swf but I don't know where to start.

And the fact that Apple has allow the conversion of AS3.0 into objective-C programming (iPhone app format) gives me even more reason to master AS3.0 - because I came from a games design background and I really want to do some of that in future.

Part of me really want to design one of those 10-second long, before-a-drama-series-commence type of screen for TV companies, but I feel that I'm more comfortable with Flash than AfterEffects or Final Cut.

So yes, Jeff (program coordinator of MMDes), I really would like to take up your advice in creating a game prototype with AS3.0 for my project in Studio 3 but don't think I'm up for it if we're not going to get any extra help. I know we are postgrad students and we are expected to be "independent" but how do you expect us to do so if our skills are not up to scratch for a fabulous, final project? I really want my project to be portfolio worthy, something I can show family/friends and potential employers with pride.

Perhaps going to one of those design schools in California was a better choice... For those of you who are finishing up high school and are interested in going to arts/design schools, you might wanna consider the States, especially since the current exchange rate made American education even more worth the money, and I'm sure their education quality is much more superior than that of Australia.

--

Okay, I'm outta here. Back to scripting.. I can do this!!!